At this moment, you must be sitting on the plane, the Eiffel Tower and the Haussmann buildings gradually fading away as the plane soars higher and higher.
I fell asleep last night thinking how weird it must be in the morning when I wake up and life would go on as usual - the bakers would still bake their batches and batches of baguettes, the métro would still be cramped with morning commuters, the cars would still be frustrated with each other on the narrow streets of Paris, the occasional 'Merde!' or 'Putain!' would still be muttered by those annoyed and flustered drivers. And yet, something wouldn't feel right for me. How could it be when you're not here?
It still doesn't feel real. I feel like I walked around in a constant daze today. It hit me like a massive blow on my stomach, thinking that any petite woman with shoulder length dark brown hair I came across today couldn't be you.
Earlier today, I took the line 14 métro and was immediately reminded of you. My mind still couldn't quite grasp the idea that if I were to go to your stop, get out of the station, and walk to your apartment building, you wouldn't be there to let me in. That if somehow I managed to get in, I would be greeted with an apartment that would have no proof of your having lived there before. The wallpapered wall of the bedroom, where photos of you, your friends (including me, yay!), and your family used to be, would be all blank.
What if I wanna go makeup shopping at Sephora? It's never fun looking at makeup products without you. There's nobody who encourages me to buy something or stops me when I go too crazy. As I'm writing this, I already have a mental image of our glittery colorful hands as we tried on eyeshadows, foundation and lipsticks as well as our desperate and longing stare at Armani products.
I still remember the first time we met 2 years ago, on the first day of our makeup program at makeup school. We were so shy and ambivalent towards each other, exchanging very polite pleasantries as it began to dawn on us that we would spend 9 months together as classmates. I have to infinitely thank God, the people at Fleurimon makeup school who convinced me to enroll myself there, and whoever and/or whatever else that somehow led us to be in the same classroom at the same time. I found myself, not just a classmate for 9 months, but a dear friend/inspiration/mentor/colleague for life.
Life in Paris isn't easy. It is, of course, different when one comes to Paris on vacation versus when one comes here to live. I think we both have our fair share of tears and frustration having to deal with administration stuff and our daily lives struggles. But you've made it so much more bearable; knowing that I could always share my problems with you. Every time I encounter an unpleasant person or situation, I can't wait to share it with you and turn it into something to laugh about.
I will miss everything about you. I will miss exploring Pyramides/Opéra area in search of a restaurant that would satisfy our cravings for Japanese/Korean food. I will miss our bubble tea sessions. I will miss bumping into you coincidentally at the same photoshoot location. I will miss working together with you. I will miss discovering hidden gems Paris has to offer with you.
Now, I know I might sound like we just broke up or something. I can't help myself, I really am feeling dramatically sad. Yes, I know it's not like you're never coming back to Paris. So then, I'll just think of it as you're going on an extended vacation and we'll see each other pretty soon. But I'm gonna say it anyway. Thank you for introducing me to the Korean supermarket Kmart when my craving for Korean instant noodle was at its peak. Thank you for telling me which moisturizer you think is great and which eyeshadow your current favorite is. Thank you for "forcing" me to create my website for my portfolio, I needed that nudge! Thank you for boosting my confidence. Thank you for the unforgettable trips we've made together. Thank you for listening to me all this time. Thank you for being my support system.
I wish you all the very best in this new chapter of your life that you're about to write. I know wherever you go next, you will flourish and do well. Call me when you land, okay?
Je t'aime et tu me manques! xx